thebluefolder

April 22, 2012

Climbing Mt. Everest

This cancer is a strange animal putting me in my own little world yet part of a much bigger world as well. I hear the loving voices, I fell the soft hands holding me up and for each and everyone no matter how small I am grateful.  I feel like I am climbing Mount Everest and I have a cheering squad calling me from the top “You can do it, you can do it, here grab my rope and hold on tight, we won’t let you fall”.  This last week has been very interesting in that I needed to let go of the ropes being tossed to me to see what it would be like if they were not there for me to hold on so tightly to.  I climbed, I cryed, I rested and though I let go of the ropes I could still feel  your pull right along with me. I found my own strenghth as well, took the time to look at what was possible for me right now and how to do “what I can” to the max.  This has made me feel less vulnerable and more powerful, I can’t do it all but I can do a lot. I can see the top of the mountian and that’s where I am going.

Chemo #9 over and done.  The doctors seem quite marveled/thirlled with the shrinkage of the tumor, It is no longer mesurable without machinary. Still have to have chemo part two, surgery and radiation. Side effects come and go, yes they are a bummer but not worse than death.  As the saying goes “The best way to get through hell is straight through it”.

Side Effects~

Painful rashy bald head, pain in stomach, bloat,nausea,  darkening brittle painful finger tips and toe tips (This is a real bummer), clumsiness, sinus and ear pain, hot flashes, sore throat, diarreaha, sensitive skin, sore teeth, general slowness and the port hurts alot, could be my least favorite part. (It will be removed with surgery, yippee!)

With the utmost gratitude to all of those who have reached out, your hand feels so nice.

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March 8, 2012

Hugs VS Thugs

Filed under: Uncategorized — by The Blue Folder @ 3:19 pm
Tags: , ,
  • Chemo Day #3  (Which on my calender is noted as “Healing day”)
    Let me introduce “The Hugs”   (This what I feel like with all of the love and support I have)
    And now “The Thugs”
    Chemo Day
    Nightmares (4 in one night, two nights in a row. Last night none, Yippee)
    Mean people
    Myself sometimes (Well a lot of the time)
    Bills
    Ex’s
    Car repairs
    Unopened mail
    2 piles of cat vomit on the sofa
    Chemo side effects (Minor nausea, joint pain, sinusitis, headaches,feeling HOT, red face, red arms, and fatigue)
    Lack of ability to commit
    The unknown
    Well off to Chemo day with two Bengal tigers, I think we are gonna win today.

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